Thursday, January 12, 2006

Baby Musings

It makes no sense, this pull in my belly. The empty hollowness of my abdomen. My ache for another life to feel pulsing and kicking and fluttering behind my navel.

Tom is just barely five months old, and my breasts are still heavy and full with milk for him. His little fingers are beginning to reach out to touch and grab, his little tongue constantly exposed as he tastes everything. There is still so much he needs from me; how can I want another baby so soon?

My house is in shambles, my garden full of dead plants I never dug up in the fall after having Tom. I cannot keep up between the house, the dog, the baby and work. I barely sleep.

So why do I wake up at night dreaming of a baby that doesn't exist?

6 Comments:

Chilihead2 said...

I felt very similarly right after my son was born. Our connection had been so intimate--the kicking, the moving, my eating to feed him, talking to him, etc.

After I had him and I no longer felt those kicks or movements I was devastated. I still miss it even though my children are now 5 and 7. I will tell anyone who will listen how I loved being pregnant.

Hang in there.

Chilihead2 said...

Oh crud! I just read your 13 meme and saw the thing about the parenting advice from strangers. I hope you can overlook mine!

Lisa said...

I remember feeling like that after my babies were born. Its odd to suddenly feel "empty" like that, isn't it?

Better Safe Than Sorry said...

i felt like that for a while, longing for another child. i've finally reached the stage where i now long for grandchildren instead, another baby is just never going to happen.

Judy said...

I remember feeling that way.

My daughter, just two weeks after having her baby boy is struggling with the 'baby blues' (do they still call it that?). It's hard, because I'm so overjoyed I'm nearly bursting, and she is just...sore (c-section) and oh so tired.

Tonight she asked me, 'when will I want to have another one?'

I'll tell her to give herself a few more months!

Stephanie said...

Well, there's nothing wrong with having your babies close in age. My brother and I are 14 months apart, so if you feel the need, I say maybe your instincts are right.

I'll be the lone voice that says I actually can't relate at all :) I was so relieved to be done being pregnant that the thought of being pregnant again was horrifying. Even now, 20 months after she was born, I have no desire to ever be pregnant again. But I do want to have three kids, so I've got work to do!