Devolution in the Maternity Ward

Lest you think gestating is all about feeling baby flutter and attaining a round, happy glow, I would like to share the dark side of reproduction.

The side of pregnancy that makes you look less like this:



and more like this:



Embarrassing as it is to admit, I have more than a few stubborn chin hairs, which I meticulously remove with tweezers whenever I can see them. God help me if I ever lose my eyesight or my tweezers; I'd give my bearded husband a run for his money. But this is a sexy look, don't you think?



Well, of course pregnancy makes it worse. Something about hormones, I suppose. Last time around, the worst problem I had was that I developed linea nigra. Which was kind of neat, except that it didn't cleanly bisect my belly, but veered slightly off to one side. I am just anal retentive enough to be bothered by that, and I was glad when it finally went away after Tom was about six months old.

But today, I discovered the insult of all insults. Just above my right breast, I noticed a peculiar hair where no hair had grown before.

A dark, curly chest hair.

Aagh! It was quickly dispatched to the land of unwanted follicles, but I pray it won't come back. I can just barely handle all the testosterone in the house as it is - heaven help us if I start producing large amounts of it too.

It's bad enough that I inherited the hairy-arm gene from my PawPaw, worse yet that I keep hoping the ancient Egyptian fashion trend of uni brows will come back in style so I can give my poor tweezers a rest.

But a chest hair! Come on.

Just throw a banana in my cage every now and again, and I promise to keep my poo to myself.

Oooo eeee oooo!